...all the bullshit astrological talk in the news of late, I present these classic descriptions of sign and type! They were originally published in the June, 1973 issue of McCalls Magazine as "Horoscopes for Other People (Who Aren't Nearly as Nice as We Are)" by Barbara Holland.
I didn't come here to argue about whether astrology is honest-to-goodness and cross-your-heart for real. [...] What really bothers me now is all that sweetness and light out there in horoscope land.
I mean, it's all very well for you and me; we're like our horoscopes say we are. Artistic, sympathetic, intelligent, sensitive, charming, brave and lovely. But what about crotchety old Aunt Clara? How do you explain her, and that creep in Cost Accounting, and the Boston Strangler? Were they born at some dateless moment, slipped in under some never-mentioned sign reserved for those utterly without redeeming graces? Or are the kindly stargazers hiding something from us? Is it possible that there are actually stinkers born under certain signs of the zodiac (although, of course, not our signs)?
What we need is a zodiacal guide to stinkers, a horoscope pointing out the horrid truth under all that astrological optimism. And even if some few teensy, endearing little faults do accidentally apply to you and me—well, perhaps the truth, like stewed prunes and dental surgery, is good for a person. So, after exhaustive research in the annals of history, I have come up with the following rundown.
Clearly, as she says, these aren't meant to describe our own signs—though maybe she has something there with that "Four hours is the ideal length of time to know a Libra."
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