Elephants

He seems to be right. Tonight, this elephant wants the same.

tristia

nec tamen, ut lauder, uigilo curamque futuri
nominis, utilius quod latuisset, ago.
detineo studiis animum falloque dolores,
experior curis et dare uerba meis.
quid potius facam desertis solus in urbe,
quamue malis aliam quærere coner opem?

—Ovid, Tristia, V. vii. 39–40.

I wish I had some such study tonight to drive myself to like distraction, that I would not now be sitting here brooding as I am, under full sway of this sad, sorrowful season's selection of spectres. This flu business hardly helps.

Last night, I lost myself in music, or my fumbling attempts thereat. As they did not turn out well—they seldom do—I do not wish to pursue the same fruitless path tonight. The goal, as with Ovid, is to forget my frustrations, not encourage them. Yet running through my options now, I'm coming to a dreary conclusion: everything I know how to do is an equal frustration.

Writing, art, music, any of it, all of it—equally flawed, equally disappointing. I'm tired of this; I need a new outlet.

Fazer uma obra e reconhecê-la má depois de feita é uma das tragédias da alma. Sobretudo é grande quando se reconhece que essa obra é a melhor que se podia fazer. Mas ao ir escrever uma obra, saber de antemão que ela tem de ser imperfeita e falhada; ao está-la escrevendo estar vendo que ela é imperfeita e falhada—isto é o máximo da tortura e da humilhação do espírito. Não se os versos que escrevo sinto que me não satisfazem, mas sei que os versos que estou para escrever me não satisfarão, também.

Por que escrevo então? [...] Tenho de escrever como cumprindo um castigo. E o maior castigo é o de saber que o que escrevo resulta inteiramente fútil, falhado e incerto.

—Pessoa, Livro do desassossego, 231

As it's said that "the truth is established" by "two witnesses", these two botcheries of last night's effort will be mine.

Ein Waltzer fis-Moll

The basic study of the intended melody, meant to be a throw-away piece, though it's perhaps the better of the two in the end.

Black Keys

A more elaborate work on the same melodic material, passing through a number of modulations into other tonal areas than the basic F# minor of the original, though beginning and ending with it.

Further work and revision has—perhaps, or hopefully—improved this latter work, so I have removed the earlier recording; the new incarnation has been premiered on the Facebook "fan" page, under the title "A Waltz in Winter".

He cometido el peor de los pecados
que un hombre puede cometer. No he sido
feliz. [...] Mi mente
se aplicó a las simétricas porfías
del arte, que entreteje naderías.
No me abandona. Siempre está a mi lado
la sombra de haber sido un desdichado.

—Borges, "El remordimiento"

“Der Gedanke an den Selbstmord ist ein starkes Trostmittel: mit ihm kommt man gut über manche böse Nacht hinweg.” — F. Nietzsche, Jenseits von Gut und Böse: Vorspiel einer Philosophie der Zukunft, Viertes Hauptstück: Sprüche und Zwischenspiele, 157.

Significance

Happy birthday... to me!

In case you've ever wondered what sort of cake I'd like... now you know.

Tagged, pt II

Tagged by Rob, while idling in a waiting area, I thought I'd give this a shot. The rules:

Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen albums you've heard that will always stick with you. List the first fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes.



So, where to begin?

• Dead Can Dance, The Serpent's Egg (MP3)

• Stu Hamm, Radio Free Albemuth

  I could, I suppose, just as easily list one of the two albums Randy Coven released through Guitar Magazine's label, or the release of Sheehan's The Talas Years in that same time period, as I discovered each of these around the same time period, all of which served to completely redo my conception of the possibilities of the electric bass, which has in turn had a long lasting effect on my own music with that instrument.

• Leonard Cohen, either Songs or Songs of Love & Hate

• Bauhaus, Swing the Heartache: The BBC Sessions

• David Bowie, Hunky Dory (MP3)

• Massive Attack, Mezzanine (MP3)

• Muddy Waters, King of the Electric Blues

• Lustmord, Metavoid

• Shearwater, Thieves (MP3)

• Edward Ka-Spel, Tanith & The Lion Tree (MP3 only)

• Current 93, Dogs Blood Rising (MP3), & Thunder, Perfect Mind (MP3)

• Coil, Horse Rotorvator

• Nick Cave, The Boatman's Call, No More Shall We Part (MP3)

• Swans, White Light from the Mouth of Infinity (MP3)

• Robert Shaw Festival Singers, Evocation of the Spirit

One caveat about this list: these shouldn't be considered my favorite albums, for while some are among them, several are not and simply represent discs that are very memorable to me for one reason or another. To take the last entry, the Shaw disc, as an example: there are some pieces on it that I don't care for at all, likewise for some of its composers. And yet that disc represents my first encounter with the works of Arvo Pärt and as such stands out strongly in my mind, for exposure to Pärt almost twenty years ago still exerts a major influence on my own compositions.

The original rules do suggest I tag others to do this as well—but I've never been much good at following rules, so I'll simply say this: if you're reading and wish to do it, consider yourself tagged.

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Related: Tagged

Korean Language Lesson

"From this point on, little children and pregnant women should not watch—because it won't be good for their education."